So it’s important to make sure you’re in a healthy place to be present and engage with someone who’s struggling. Jena Lee, a child and adult psychiatrist and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine at U.C.L.A. “When you check in with others, you are opening some vulnerability there and that takes some insight,” said Dr. If the person doesn’t want to engage, say you respect their decision. She recommends reassuring the other person that you’re asking from a place of real concern. In some cases, even asking if someone is OK, “depending on how, where and when it’s posed, could be seen as an affront or even something where a case is being built to dismiss that person,” she said. She recommends carefully considering the power dynamics before you approach, as it’s easier to be vulnerable with someone if you’re on equal footing. Personal friends, work colleagues, classmates and family members all require different approaches, said Phoenix Jackson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. If your friend has recently experienced relationship issues, health problems or workplace stress, or has faced financial difficulties, they may be especially vulnerable to anguish right now.ĭepending on your relationship, you might want to tread carefully.

When you chat with a friend, Thomas Joiner, a psychology professor at Florida State University, said you should be on the lookout for noticeable changes in their demeanor, such as an irritable mood or a disheveled appearance. While we may not be able to be physically present when we approach a troubled friend, we can create an atmosphere - and cultivate the right mind-set within ourselves - so the other person will feel comfortable opening up when they need support most. So it’s even more important you choose the right moment to check in, as it will determine the quality of the interaction you have. Food and drinks tend to put people at ease, so you’d nosh on snacks or sip a beverage together, too.īut this, of course, isn’t a perfect world, and we’re still in the throes of a pandemic, so this idyllic social scenario may not be possible anytime soon. Phones and devices would be silenced and stashed out of sight. In a perfect world, when you’re checking in with someone who’s struggling, you’d have your conversation together in a calm, private setting.

We are okay